The time had come. May 15Th 2009, the day where girls are allowed to spend hours getting ready for a night full of memories and laughs. Senior prom. Julia had just finished getting her hair done and was heading to do her make up. Her prom date was due to pick her up at six thirty for pictures. There was just one little problem, another boy had wanted to take her to prom and was planning on showing up to crash her night.
As six o'clock came around, Julia was putting the finishing touches on to make everything perfect when the door bell rang. She answered and her jaw dropped to see Jeremy, not her date, standing before her.
"What on earth are you doing here?" she spoke in a demanding tone.
"I am here to take you to prom Julia. I want to make all your dreams come true." he answered.
"You better leave before Chris shows up. I've told you many times I do not want to go with you Jeremy!"
While time was spent arguing, Chris's black Mercedes Benz pulled into the driveway. He was dressed in a suit with a Tiffany Blue tie to match Julia's dress. He was carrying her corsage for which he planned to place upon her wrist as the finishing touch to make her look stunning.
"Jeremy, funny seeing you here." Chris spoke aloud as he approached the doorway.
"Chris, I completely lost track of time. I am almost ready to leave." Julia announced.
"Jeremy, it's time for you to leave. I am not going to prom with you tonight." Julia said as she led Chris to the car pushing past Jeremy.
Jeremy was left dateless and heartbroken for the rest of his senior prom. Julia went on to enjoy her night with the football star, Chris Barkley. She danced the night away and it was soon time to head home. When she arrived home, she found a bouquet of roses waiting with a card. The card read, "My dearest Julia, you looked astonishing tonight. I know I wasn't your choice of man candy tonight, but I want to let you know that I will never be bothering you again. I am leaving town tonight only to never return. I am sorry for delaying your evening with Chris. Enjoy your life and see you on the other side." "Yours truly, Jeremy Winsterfield." Julia felt a tear roll down her face. She never thought of hurting one boy so bad. She hurried and called Jeremy but his phone was disconnected. Her night that was supposed to be filled with miracles and dream come trues, was closing in on what happened to be a not so happy ending.
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4 comments:
I really really liked the ending to your story. I was not expecting Julia to feel bad but was pleasantly suprised in the end when she read the letter and felt regret. I also think your story relates to many teenagers today who make decisions not based on what they want, but based on what other people think.
I really liked the topic of your story! It was really written and the story line was good. goood job!
I agree with katie on your topic choice. I really like it because its something we all can relate to. I also like the way you open it and describe prom as "the day where girls are allowed to spend hours getting ready for a night full of memories and laughs."
overall, a really good piece of writing chelsea!
I MADE IT!!!! Aren't you happy now? Oh wait. . .maybe you should read what I write first. KIDDING! haha.
The story is good. I especially like some of the SPECIFIC description you give (Mercedes, the TIFFANY BLUE tie, etc.) That is a good habit to get into.
I'm a little bummed you didn't write your dialogue correctly.
:-( You have to put a comma after the spoken word and before the quotes that close it (unless you are using a ? or ! instead.
Ex. "I am here for you," he said.
Do guys really call themselves "man candy"??? :-?
There are a few other anomalies here, too, like the capital T in 15th and the dreamS come true in the last part. A few more in the middle, too. Just give it a look over one more time.
Nice original topic!
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