I felt a stream run down my check and as it reached my lips, the salty taste was mixed with the unpleasant taste of loneliness. As the reality of the situation only hit me now, I look back and think when it was only a countdown until the day of destruction. The day when I must abandon my safe haven of eighteen years, was only a date on a calendar. "Well, I guess I have to look for a new place to live," I thought to myself, before I was sitting on the street outside what was once my home. As I sit in front of what was once my domain, the toothpick remains of the strong steel send a striking pain through my heart. The grass where my neighbors would play cops and robbers or hide and seek all day was covered with a snowy white ash. The park where I would spend hours pounding my basketball against the asphalt was beaten into the ground. The families living in this building were not just the Smith family from number 123, but rather the whole building and people in it were family bound together by priceless memories. As I look back, I realize that the memories I will have forever, but my family, everyone in the building, I may never see again.
4 comments:
I enjoyed your blog a lot. I thought that it was well written with great imagery and description. I could picture the sadness on your characters face and how his place meant so much to him. I liked all of the memories that were decribed as priceless to really show how much that life meant to him.
GREAT FIRST LINE--the play on words with the word taste (literal and figurative) is excellent!
The description in here is very good. My suggestion to make this better--try and identify repetitive sentence openings and switch them up.
For instance, there are three sentences in a row that start with "the" and another one only one sentence behind those. Making a simple change--perhaps moving back of sentence to front, or using an -ed, -ly, -ing word will be all that you would need.
Overall though, very good.
i really enjoyed reading your post. It kept me interestd through the entire thing. A little wordy but altogether VERY well written.
Your post was really good. The description is really what made me want to keep reading. Also, the first sentence really drew me in. Even without the picture I would have been able to picture someone since you had such great description.
nice job (:
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