Dear Diary,To tell you the truth, I’m not sure what i was feeling at this very moment. My mother keeps saying we are "going home," but i was already ready home, I have been there my entire life. My home is in Andover, Vermont, not Israel. I was the only one. The only one that didn't want to go. I tried to convince mother that I would live with Marie, my best friend, who was the luckiest girl in the world ... for she wasn't a Jew. She didn't have to leave everything, including my pet rat, Barney, and my seashell collection, that took me my whole 9 years to build up, to go to some stupid town across the Atlantic Ocean. Why me? Just because this is where my stupid ancestors used to live, why do I have to go there? Marie doesn't have to go back to Mexico, does she!
When they told me I was fuming. Really, I’ve only known about this little journey for a day and a half. Mother knew that if she told me before it was time to go, I would run away. I've ran away before. Well, just a mile down the road to an abandoned hot dog stand when I got tired of looking for father's house.
Why can't my mother just understand that she is running my life? I am on this stupid boat, that doesn’t even have room for me to walk around, back to my so called "Home Land," when I could be collecting tent worms in my crooked backyard tree with Marie (that was one of our favorite things to do this time of year).
I wish i could even stay home with Father. I don't care that I haven’t seen him in two years and is a (1)"sloshed goy" or not, it would be better then being on this stupid boat. Mother said he is the reason we aren’t in Israel right now in the first place. It isn't his homeland, she says. I told her I wanted to stay in the homeland of my paternal ancestors because I felt such a deep connection to them and it would break my heart to have to leave them, but she didn't buy it. She said my paternal ancestors were probably rotting away while they are busy living their unworthy lives in the U.S. somewhere.
The only clothes that I could bring were the layers I could wear. And my favorite red dress wouldn’t even fit! My life is over.
I'll keep you updated on this pure misery of a life I am living.
xx Aliza
(1) drunk non-jew
(Background: this family is on a boat to Israel after WWII ended, and Israel was established as a Jewish state. Many families, like this one, left everything they had to go to their "homeland.”)
4 comments:
I like how you attack this one like a journal. You even capture the "youngness" of the girl with how often she says it's all "stupid.
A few things you could do to sharpen this up are all proofreading issues:
-- i ????
-- You switch tenses a few times, particularly in the first two sentences (I AM not sure what I WAS feeling. . .but mother keeps SAYING. . ."
--I've=I HAVE, so I've RUN, not ran.
Those are just a few, and I chose those because I know you would have caught them had you proofread closer. Just try not to let those silly issues mar what otherwise is a very good piece of writing.
Nice work.
Of all the posts on this topic that I've read so far, this was the first to really get my attention. You capture this girl's feelings of reluctance and frustration very well. Also, I could feel the sense of loneliness, which someone that age usually doesn't want to admit outright. Regardless, she is obviously singling herself out when she says, "I was the only one . . . that didn't want to go."
You made her age very clear, especially in the way she states in no uncertain terms that the whole idea of moving is just wrong, and tries to justify the whole situation to herself but, in the end, is still left with big, unanswered questions (e.g. "Why me?"). I can remember writing somewhat like this when *I* was around 9 years old, when I encountered a seemingly insoluble problem.
I also like how you include small details that help us get to know her better, like the seashell collection and the name of her pet rat. A girl in this situation would actually write about those things; she wouldn’t be concerned solely with the bigger picture. You have a gift for realism.
The only bad things I noticed were already pointed out by Mr. Ruggieri ("i," alternating verb tenses, etc.). But besides that, you did really well.
I really enjoyed your story. I got the feeling of her anger on how badly she wanted to be elsewhere other than the boat. Also i like how you incorporated it into a journal entry. I thought it was very unique =]
xoxo chelsea
To defend myself: (haha)i originally wanted it in past tense, then i switched it to present. And apparently i missed quite a few words. I'm thought about changing them, and i still might.
but it was just a huge proofreading mistake on my part
Post a Comment