The top five people I need to write about in no particular order:
1. Tiger Woods
2. Lance Armstrong
3. Michael Phelps
4. My Parents
5. Abraham Lincoln
How does a person become the talk of the town? How does a single person, just a mortal man, make everyone stop what they are doing to watch that person in an instant? A 23 year old from Baltimore can help answer those questions. Michael Phelps is faster than your average fish, and he proves why he is an inspiration for many, including myself. Just this past August, he captivated the world in Beijing. Michael racked up 8 gold metals in the Olympics, and he obtained them during 8 swimming events in that many days. Wow! How do you top that? All he did was bore millions of people with 7 new world records. There is more to Michael that makes him worth talking about. This guy swam about a total of 3 competitive miles in the span of a week, and he had to do drug tests and interviews in between the events. I pass out when I just try to go 100 meters across a pool. Try doing 100 meters against the elite 7 swimmers in the world. That is pressure. So many athletes fail to live up to the expectations that are set by sports writers, coaches, fans, and media, but not Michael. Including his major feats, I have to give respect to a guy that eats, sleeps, and swims for his daily routine. He consumes 10,000 calories a day on average for energy. Talk about living the dream. This man, if he even is human, will continue to do eye-popping things in the future, and he will show what the definition of impressive really is.
3 comments:
I really like reading your blog because you had good information on Michael Phelps. His achievements make me want to keep reading to see what other amazing things he had done. I also like your style of writing. Good job (:
This reminds me of your descriptive essay; you again pull the reader into the excitement and pressure of some type of physical activity – in the essay, basketball, and here, swimming. I can tell you know well and respect the subject of your writing (Phelps) – you’re full of interesting, sometimes astonishing, statistics (such as his average daily consumption of 10,000 calories/day) that give the reader a clear understanding of his abilities, his fame, and the significance of his accomplishments. I love that phrase, “if he even is human,” as well as the assertion that he is “faster than your average fish.”
Only one minor grammar problem, as far as I can see… When you say, “a guy that eats, sleeps, and swims for his daily routine,” you should use “who” instead of “that.” “That” is used for inanimate objects and such. Here’s a site that might help you with that:
http://www.grammarbook.com/grammar/whoVwhVt.asp
You ended well and had an attention-grabbing introduction.
Excellent work. :-)
Very nice, Dan. I think the specifics you provide really drive your point home (e.g. three miles in a week). And, as we have been talking about writing descriptively, specifics count for that, too.
Samantha caught onto one piece you could fix (that/who), and I also wanted to remind you to write out the word for numbers (usually if you can in two words (twenty two; one; one-third). There are lots of rules for writing numbers, but your 8s should be written out. The 100 meters can stay as a digit because it is a specific athletic event title.
Excellent!
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